Pipe dreams

Abz and I went camping on Friday.  The end of non-winter snuck up on me.We got there, started a fire, started setting up tent, to find out the campground is closed! Oops.  They were starting construction the next day, which I did not realize.  We had a good time while there, and then left and slept in our beds.

Silly faces!

Saturday, what did I do?? I know that it was fine ultimately, but weird.  We went on a walk, but Lou rolled in shit. Went and picked blueberries, but Abz's dad started being a dick.  Picked up Abby, had a cocktail, rolled in the hay, and went to sleep.

Sunday we went out to Pasagshak.... 

Just some friendly, or not so, bison in the front yard.

I was sick the entire time there though! So, I got to go, have a good time, but queasy.

On the way back, we stopped at a friend of a friend's house, and lo and behold, they are living in my dream house!  1. Pasagshak. 2. ducks (I want chickens). 3. greenhouse.

4. intimate, hand built.

5. "running" water and electricity.

6. inside like a boat galley.  (There's lots of hidden storage! The only thing it lacks is a space for yoga.)

7. Time! Time for family, for frolicking. 

Abby's first buoy swing ride!

It is theoretically possible for me to have that little house in the woods, but not in reality!  I have no property, no money. I have someone who wants to build a house.  All I want is a house that will fit inside your kitchen, and I can't have it.  It bums me out.  

I am extraordinarily lucky to have the greatest little girl in the world, however, there are many challenges to life.  Being a one person income is the #1 hardship. I am SO, SO close to having the "Kodiak" dream - traditional hunting and gathering, rewarding meaningful career, the lil house in the woods.... yet I am also so far!  And there seems to be NOTHING I can do to change this.  The cost of living here is insane, and I do not earn enough to live in Kodiak.  I can't make more money. I have Abby when not working, so I can't take on another job. I buy next to nothing, so there is no trimming expenditures. Do I leave Kodiak? Don't want to. Might be forced to.

High definition

 Life in high def! My lil' happy pumpkie.

 Bull kelp "bong". Silly.

 Abby is totally in to making funny faces.  Next post will have a whole slew of them!

Definitions - I am creating a lot for work. Looking at tools and defining terms to describe them.

 Define - defining my life. Combating reality verses fantasy.

Definite - I definitely know what I desire.

 Abby loves Herman's smoked salmon, picks berries with me, and knows what XtraTuffs are...Kodiak chick indeed!

It didn't stop - the synchronicity! And not just on my end, but happened to others as well, in regards to that situation.  I am not going to write about it however because it is water under the bridge, and I am busy enjoying the view. 

Good times

Oops, it happended again

It happened again!  The whole synchronicity thing. The alarm went off in my head, and bam, there was baby daddy driving past me. He got mad, over nothing, and freakin called me all night!  I have had five hours of sleep in two nights.  On top of that, the doctor who basically said I have nothing wrong wrong with me, has changed her mind, and I need to have more tests. It's a lot to take in.

On a good note, I had a great night otherwise.  Good food and good company.

And this happens a bit it seems, but these two ones were just like WTF? really?

Divine synchronicity

Abby and I went over to Monk's Lagoon on Spruce Is. for the annual St. Herman pilgrimage.  I go for several reasons. Foremost, I am familiar with Fr. Gerasim and like to visit where he lived.  It is also really beautiful there. And, it's an adventure, for me.  The skiff ride is the main "adventurous" part. I like my feet on the ground, so anything but and I am nervous.

The ride over was a little rough. There were some good swells spread apart, so it was up and down and jerky. Abby was scared, but she did really well. The seas calmed down later and we took a Bristol Bay boat back, so it was slow and smooth, rather than fast and bumpy.

 Devil's club

 Crazy amount of moss

  Oh so FLUFFY!

 

Fr. G's house - my dream home. I would just like running water (indoor bathroom) and a kitchen, which I think there was, or was that a closet?

 It's amazing how so much is intact. It's seems to be how he left it.

 He made this cross. He was quite crafty.

The small Chapel of Kaluga built where St. Herman had lived.

Fr. G made these boxed scenes. Can't recall their name.

 Abby being silly during service.  

Boat ride back Abby fell asleep Note the drool.

Rusty Tusty

And then we got back.  After that, a series of events took place in rapid succession that were almost unreal - like watching a movie, except it was me, my life.  It was painful, but necessary.  There was a whole lot of prayer for a perfect and sinless day, but alas it was not.  It was overwhelming. I had an anxiety attack all night and didn't sleep. It sucks that people can be hurtful. I am hitting the delete button.  I have too many good things in life to worry about some "jerk" and his skanky tramp. Damn straight I deserve better, and I got it - my daughter, my family, and real friends.