I flew to Larsen Bay today, and back. I wasn't supposed to fly there and back with only being there five minutes. What happened?

I have been trying to attend a tribal council meeting about repatriating and reburying human remains that are at the museum. The tribe (or native corp.) must request the remains back. We just can't go and rebury them, as much as we would like. So, I went there to meet face to face with the TC to facilitate the process.

I was supposed to go in Oct., but the mtg got cancelled. Same with Nov., and then Dec. I couldn't go. So I finally set up to go today. Check in yesterday, everything's fine, I get on the plane, we're flying really low, wow, this is wild, kind of nice, I can kiss the mountains, touch the trees, and taste the salt air. Oh look, what is the writing on that buoy? (We went around, not over the mtns as usual.) Then we turn the corner to Shelikof Strait. The white peaks on the water become visible, the roll of the water seems to be lapping at the wing, and the snow and wind get worse. It is white out. It goes on and on. I start to cry. It's scary. To what feels like flying aimlessly through the air in total whiteness got the better of me. Omg, I am from Dayton, home of the Wright Brothers, I shouldn't be afraid to fly!

Obviously, I make it to the ground. Once landed (I was slightly shaken, not stirred), come to find the meeting has been cancelled. While I would have liked to stay, I technically had no reason to stay, and I was worried about responsibilities and practicalities - with the meeting cancelled would work still pay for me to stay if I got stuck (I had this happen before,), Abby had to spend the night with Zoila (cost $)., etc. With people offering various advice, I guessed I was going to get back on if there was a seat, which there was. I was afraid of making a decision - one that would lead to my demise, ha ha ha, grr.

On the much more pleasant ride back to adq I pondered what village life is like and why one would live so remotely.

Generally, I think Kodiak is secluded enough for me and my quality of life is good. I can imagine being a a part of a tight knit community can have its benefits, it can also have drawbacks. I do have comps to generalize a comparison, I mean, living in for example, McPherson Town neighborhood (5 blocks by 3 blocks is it?), has some similarities (it has a unique culture, it changes through time, etc.), it's just you're not related to everyone.

Food in Kodiak doesn't come like MRE's and what's fresh is in general still so. Granted, subsistence life I think is an appealing idea, but it's also life consuming. I don't see a way to do it without dedicating oneself to it. As I flew over a home on an Island in Anton's, well, having a private beach must be fun, but, then again, would it get too lonely? Perhaps not, not with those we love near.

It's a lot to think about, I'm tired again. I do know I am not quite Alaska tough yet. I thought I was, but getting scared on the plane when there barely was a "bump in the air" (my Alutiiq nickname, thanks SDH), means not so.....Living in Alaska does take a certain character, one I hope to return to the other world when I go. Maybe I just need a good navigator through life - how easy would that be? Oh wait, I do.